VA-GI-NA

01/18/2011 09:32:00

i play seemingly random music between karaoke singers at my shows. tonight i played a song by john lajoie about vaginas and what to do with them. it is a vulgar, misogynistic, and ridiculous song. if i sang this song to my girlfriends mother, she would punch me in the throat and condemn me to burn in the flames of eternity for even acknowledging the existence of such pornographic drivel. honestly, its a dumb song. it is also crazy hilarious. something about hearing a goofy candian guy1 tell you that he's the hulk hogan of slamming muff to the phattest drums-only loop2 gives me feelings similar to those felt while eating a cookie. the reactions to this song are pretty predictable. out of a hundred, on average, sixty are close to tears with joy, twenty-five smile and roll their eyes, eight shake their head disapprovingly, four are too drunk to be affected at all, and three want to murder me in front of my mother. the latter are always women. listen, its incredibly offensive towards the ladies. i get it. unfortunately, these ladies dont get it at all. its very clearly mocking the message that gangsta rappers fuse with the blunt smoke that they blow in our faces everyday. the message is this - "bitches ain't shit." a strong message, but one that should instantly be considered ridiculous by anyone with half a sense of decency. which is why its funny, and which is why these people need to lighten up. because its ridiculous. when i played this song a couple of girls got really angry. they agreed loudly that it wasnt "cool" and then one of them made an "L" shape with her hand, thrust it in my face and yelled "LOSERRRR!" im guessing she was offended and this was her playing the hero to sensible3 women everywhere. the irony is that her revenge was actually, instantly MY revenge for her taking revenge! you see, her accusing me of being a loser, even without the cliched "L," only served to make herSELF come off as a loser! yes! its like calling someone a faggot when youre clearly just trying to distract people from noticing your own homosexual idiosyncrasies!!! fools!!! you are transparent!!! seriously, though, these same girls were grinding to an eminem song twenty minutes later. i guess you have to choose your battles. check out the video here. ladies, does hearing this song force you to make bad social decisions?

1. i was going to say "white canadian guy," but i dont think ive ever met a black canadian!

2. honestly, only the word "phattest" is appropriate

3. boring

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01/15/2011 19:01:00

the sites currently under construction. im talking hard hats, liquid lunches, and inappropriate comments about women construction, baby. my plan is to blog about the wonders and the horrors of the gritty karaoke world while trying to offend as little as possible. we'll see how that goes. stay with me...

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